What I learned from the new season of 24.

First of all...helluva show. I never really understood the 24 mania that seems to have swept my little universe of friends and family in years past, but now I know the truth. That Jack Bauer is a impeccably mannered Victorian gentleman trapped inside a renegade ass-kicking  former government employee with so frightening a death stare that 2.5 seconds of direct eye contact would make vintage Clint Eastwood wet himself. No need to disrespect Dirty Harry though, he's in the Man's Man Hall of Fame,(Here comes a sports/pop culture metaphor) still active in an analyst sorta way, but retired, kinda like Michael Irvin, without his friend's crack pipe, or Charles Barkley, without the "Suspicion of DUI" arrest. Which brings us back to Jack Bauer. The weak-kneed girl scout, before he became Jack Bauer (read Kiefer Sutherland) once was arrested for a DUI. However, everyone knows that this was just a well-planned terrorist plot to keep Jack from hunting those that threaten our national security. I could tell you who planned it but I bet you already know. Here's a hint for all you short-busers. It starts with a "K" and ends with an "Arl Rove." Yeah he's real evil, like Al Sharpton would be if he decided boosting cars would be an easier path than becoming an obnoxiously rich televangelist, as well as the self-appointed liason with whom famous caucasians must meet with as part of their penance after making a racist blunder in front of cameras or a microphone. What did I learn tonight? Fo Real? That the FBI is NOT to be trusted, at least on network television.